Unspoken Words

11/5/17

                Not having the ability to speak their language fluently is the toughest challenge so far. It reminds me of our day of solitude except this time we’re in a Guatemalan suburb. By suburb I mean that no space is wasted as tiendas (small shops) like bakeries and general stores abound and every square of a house is functional, including the roof. There are no street signs, but dogs roam freely, kids play happily in the streets, motocicletas (motorcycles) and carros (cars) and autobuses (buses) squeeze by people on the narrow streets. And so these people are used to this kind of life and my team and I are outsiders.

Not being able to speak gives me less power as a person since I am normally dependent on my own words to gain acceptance. In los Estados Unidos (United States), my words are what establish my identity, my role in a social group. Words are like tools for accomplishing a job. I think to myself, without all the Spanish words to communicate, my role as a person has changed in Guatemala. Then I ask, “Has it? Aren’t I supposed to be a missionary anywhere?” Yet here I am worrying about whether I will say the right words and whether I will make any difference at all. Being a task oriented person I am ashamed that I can’t do everything I can normally do in America.

I am reminded of Moses who needed someone to speak for him (Exod. 4:10-17) – as he protested to God about not having the ability to speak well. So I find this struggle in myself. Yet I know that my identity does not rely on whether I can speak well or not, but on who God has made me to be. My mind is constantly battling with this questioning whether to believe that I am useless/don’t belong here and whether I am worthy because God has commissioned me/blessed me with “every spiritual blessing” (Eph. 1:3). Therefore, my identity should not be in how well I speak or in how funny/how much of an impression I can make on people; it shouldn’t be in whether I am accepted or not – though giving into the temptation to always be seeking acceptance from others is a weakness of mine (James 1:14-15).

I am also reminded of the affliction Paul and his companions experienced in Asia when they were so burdened beyond their strength and were despairing their situation (2 Cor. 1:8-11).The lesson those early Christians learned was that they could not simply rely on their own abilities in ministry. Instead, they had to rely on God, “who raises the dead.” One might ask, “Is God more powerful than humanity?” (answer: Yes) – “Therefore we do not lose heart, though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For this light and momentary trouble is achieving for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison” (2 Cor. 4:16-18). So if God can empower Moses to speak and save Paul and early Christians from continual oppression, he can certainly deliver my team and me from any difficulty to relate with these people here in Magdalena.

Dios le Bendiga (Glory to God)!

Nathan Schaeffer